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When questions are asked such as; "Who books the holidays? When I tried it out on my own partner I was 70 per cent male and 30 per cent female and he was 50 per cent each way, which we could both live with, but if I am honest I would have preferred to reversed the score." Under the circumstances, I am grudgingly impressed that my husband is merely 40 per cent female, as it turns out he is actually married to a man – I may have two children but, terrifyingly, I'm 90 per cent male in my bullish attitudes and bossy behaviour. One of my friends, an attractive blonde events organiser, is 100 per cent male.She claims that her live-in boyfriend's sole contribution to their partnership is paying half of the mortgage.
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Yes him, the one lounging on the sofa, half-comatose in front of Midsomer Murders. Do you feel irritated that he happily fusses around in the kitchen when guests come for supper, but expects you to remember to take out the bins and fill the car with petrol?
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"Sometimes I look at James and find myself wondering what the point of him is," she says.
"He doesn't have any get up and go and he never suggests anything – not even an evening in the pub – he just relies on me, and so I end up doing absolutely everything, or it just wouldn't get done. "What gets me most is that when I met him he was perfectly capable of running his own life, but over the years he's regressed and now it's like living with a lazy teenager." It's a pattern that Kaye recognises in couples where one partner is particularly dominant – and these days it's usually the woman who is the one in control.
"The unfashionable truth is that men and women are different," says Kaye, author of The Divorce Doctor, who works with couples trying to save their relationships, as well as couples and individuals who are set on splitting up and want to do so amicably. The same generally goes for "Who is more aspirational? "Men are shocked when they see the results of the test," says Kaye.
"Male and female employees might be interchangeable in the office, but at home, couples – and women in particular – need to acknowledge, respect and indeed celebrate their differences, otherwise men feel sidelined and retreat into themselves." When Kaye examines the traits that each partner displays, she routinely finds that in many couples the traditional female and male attributes are completely reversed. "But interestingly, they don't seem to mind so much that they have female characteristics; they're far more appalled that their wives have so many male characteristics, because that's what effectively emasculates them.
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